Holding Hands

What has happened in our society today? Why don’t we see people holding hands anymore? For the last couple of months, I have observed people in different places and settings, while watching to see who held hands and who did not hold hands. Through my observation and personal experience, I would like to share with you the incredible connection and powerful healing that holding hands can bring.

Starting from when I was young, holding hands was common among children and adults. As I think back, I remember holding my Dad’s hand and feeling safe and secure. On occasion, I would even run up to a teacher and grab their hand to let them know I cared about them in my own special little way. As a teenager, holding hands with a young lady was a message to the other boys that said, “She is mine and I care about her.” and vice versa. I even watched adults holding hands as they walked down the street showing their love for one another.
However, something has changed in our society today. Despite the fact that I am not an expert and there is no written data available; I have arrived at the following conclusions:

Regarding hand holders: I have seen more teenagers holding hands than adults. Of the adults that were holding hands, most of them were older in their years. Furthermore, there was about a 50/50 split in parents who held their little kids hands.

Regarding non-hand holders: the biggest group was between the ages of 25-45 years old. They walked without talking to each other and sometimes focused more on the kids than each other. They seemed agitated and driven to get to their next destination. They showed little to no joy in each other and sometimes, one or both people were on their cell phones.

Holding hands with someone creates an incredible connection of safety, communication and love for one another. Yet, why has holding hands with our loved ones become secondary to holding our phones or holding a grudge against each other? I truly believe this trend stems from a very real enemy that keeps us extremely busy, distracted and self-centered. When we hold hands, we are showing the world that we are united as one and focused on the other person and not ourselves. Having that physical connection is another way of saying, “You are important to me and whatever is going on, we are going to get through it together.”

Consider for a moment, how your loved ones would feel if you held their hand as much as you hold your cell phone? How would that make you feel if someone did that for you? And so, I encourage you to commit to holding the hands of your loved ones and see what you get back in return. Let the enemy know that despite his efforts, we are united with the ones we love.

 

Earthquake

When we talk about earthquakes in California we prepare for the worst. We do everything we can to prevent damage to our property and go out of our way ensuring our family’s safety. 

There is such a fear and intensity placed into protecting our family physically, but what about the earthquakes that damage our family structure? We should have that same fervor in guarding the integrity of our family unit.

Too often I see husbands, wives, and children devastated by an earthquake to the family structure. Remember we need to plan for the earthquakes in our lives: death in the family, car accident, divorce, wayward teenager, addiction, etc. 

Make today the first day in taking steps to protect your family and yourself from the unavoidable and inevitable earthquake in your family. Prevention is the key. 

I would like to hear what you are doing to prepare and handle the earthquakes in your family?

Goodbye To Gray

Our proverbial “gray areas.” I’m talking about those ambiguous areas we hold to with our kids like, “Do as I say, not as I do. Only Mommy and Daddy can use those words. Never question your parents. Kids are to be seen and not to be heard.” I could go on and on. 

When we create these ambiguous areas our integrity as a parent is put to question. And when our kids question our ambiguous statements, actions or motives, we create excuses and fabricate this alternate reality to make an expectation of ourselves. But really, we leave our children scratching their heads in confusion. 

It’s just plain crazy!

We want our children to live their lives with integrity and not maintain these “gray areas,” but for that to happen we have to live it out first. We need to exist in the real world of imperfection.

We are flawed, but forgiven. Be honest with yourself and with your children. Free yourselves to live in the freedom Christ has given. 

There is nothing wrong with letting your children know you are an imperfect parent who makes mistakes and has to ask a perfect God for forgiveness. 

What are the “gray areas” in your life?

What Happened?

Growing up I was taught the skill of “not giving up.” It was taught to be part of my DNA. I remember as a child getting frustrated with school, and my dad encouraging me to keep working on it. He would say, “Hang in there. You will figure it out.”

My dad always pushed me to follow through and never give up: “Even if you are not the best you always finish and hold your head up high.” Today I push my kids with the same attitude and passion my dad had, wanting my kids to be the best they can be. 

So my question: What happened? 

Today I see kids throwing temper tantrums when they can’t figure something out and walking away with the attitude that they are not smart enough to figure it out. I see kids of all ages NOT having the DNA of following through or sticking with something. 

There is no regard that they gave their word, and they don’t care if they break it. I even see adults today doing the same thing of not following through with their word in two areas:

1.       Ministry. They make a commitment to come aboard, and when it gets tough or requires a little extra, they say they do not have time or “I am not qualified.”

2.       Marriage. When things get tough or take a little extra effort to work through, they call a quits. They don’t provide the energy or time to work on it.

Well we wonder where our kids get it from, and we wonder why they so easily give up. What has been their example? 

In our kids’ world we demand them to follow through, and we get upset when they easily give up. Kids are products of their homes, plain and simple. 

What happened to that spirit that set us apart as a nation, a people, and most important of all, as Christians?

Don’t Try, Just Do

She looked at her child and said, “I always try and tell the truth.”

A mom was correcting her son for not being honest. She spoke to him in a kind and nurturing way, and as I walked past them this weekend, I thought nothing of it.

But as the week passed, I began to realize the contradiction in that statement.  How many times have I given advice to my kids in such a way that was more confusing than helpful? And just like this mom, we think we are giving solid advice to our children, but really we’re making them scratch their heads in confusion.

The issue lies with the word “try.” We don’t want our children to just try, we want them to do. We always want them to tell the truth.

When I was a kid my dad used to say, “Think before you talk.” And I still have to remind myself of that wisdom when parenting my own children. I need to make sure that when I’m teaching them, I’m actually giving them sound advice.

James 1:19 challenges us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but in our fast-paced, on-demand society that seems impossible, or is it? What are some things you’ve said to your kids that you later realized was more confusing than helpful?

Relax

Relax by definition is to make less tense, less rigid, make lax and to diminish the force of. In everyday terms, it means to kick back and do nothing.

Relaxing is a state of mind for me. I may be relaxing from work, but really I’m doing tons of stuff at home. I am by nature a workaholic who loves to be constantly moving.

To relax is to accomplish goals I set for myself on my day off. My wife likes to remind me that I don’t give myself any real down time and that accomplishing my lists of tasks isn’t a good substitution for a day off.

And I have to say she is right. I do need to slow down and just chill. I know God rested on the seventh day as He looked over creation and said it was good. But I’m not following His lead. I go like a machine until I break.

Well I write this post because the machine is broken. God has gotten my attention because I’ve been dealing with this incredible back pain, and in turn he’s humbled my heart.

Yes God, I do hear you. You have my attention. You are telling me to slow down and relax. Well I now have no choice but to be at dead slow and actually unwind and enjoy it.

Despite my best attempts to fight having down time, God grabs my attention by allowing something to happen that purposefully slows me down. It puts this back pain into perspective.

What has God done or allowed in your life to get your attention?

Imitation

Imitation. This is a word used so often, but we forget its importance to us as parents. We want our children to imitate the good that is in us.

And now looking back at my three kids, two of whom are already adults, I found that my children did imitate many good things from me, and also some of the bad.

I looked at these negative things and saw a glaring, red light flashing me in the face, and as a parent I wanted to help rid these aspects from my children. But what I realized was that my kids were a reflection. They were imitating me.

It wasn’t my kids that I needed to change, it was me. My children have been great mirrors, showing the ugliness that needs to change in me first.  

Our kids can teach us a lot. We just need let go of our egos. We need to be honest with ourselves and embrace the needed changes in ourselves along with our kids.

Admit you are wrong to your children and then work on changing the negative behavior together. I can promise you from experience it will draw you closer.

I would love to hear your story of how you saw your children imitating some of your negative habits and how you worked on fixing those things together.

Parenting 101

Okay, when we see books about parenting and they are the instruction guide for raising kids, put the book down, turn and run. These types of book can do more harm than good.

Why you ask. Great question. This is the first, right step. The second step is to be a student of our children and to understand them is to truly know how to raise them. Alright, let’s get back to the parenting books.

Often times these books create cookie cutouts of our kids, placing them into certain categories or behaviors. So based on this hypothetical parenting book we initiate a discipline or re-teaching process for our children.

Oops, we just entered a danger zone. What we have actually done is frustrated our kids and stifled who God created them to be.

The secret to parenting is being entirely sold-out for God. Period. The Bible presents us with all the instruction we need to raise our children. Think about it. They didn’t have parenting books thousands of years ago. So what did they use as a parenting reference?

My final thought: parenting books are not bad, and we should read them to glean insight and knowledge. However, we shouldn’t make our kids into something they are not. It’s okay if our kids are odd, edgy, opinionated, nerdy, loud, excitable, etc.

God doesn’t make mistakes, and our children are just who they are. So let them be who they are within the biblical boundaries God has set for us and them. Then enjoy the ride of experiencing life with your kids.

End of Summer: What a Bummer

The end of summer is near and the last minute vacations are creeping up fast. You might be looking back saying, “Didn’t my kids just get out of school, and now they’re going back already!” Then some might be saying, “Isn’t summer over yet, so the kids can go back to school!”

Whichever the case, was this summer better or worse than last year’s? I know the economy is rough and finances are tight. But money isn’t what makes vacations and summers great. Sometimes a summer filled with the simplest activities can be the best ever.

When our family experienced tough times, we had some of the best experiences. We would turn on the sprinklers and run through, stepping on it to aim at and squirt the other person. We even had massive water gun wars lasting for hours from the front yard to the backyard and even spilling inside the house (my wife was not too happy about that).

Slip And Slide was also a big hit with my kids. I even remember throwing a ball around in the yard joined with some great conservation. And in the evenings we would sit outside on the front porch talking and laughing.


At times we may attempt to manufacture family time by doing things that are entertaining and money-consuming. And those things can be fun, but sometimes the simplest interactions as a family can be so much more effective. It’s not about what you do as a family, but the quality in which you do it.

Our children have been spoiled by us buying their entertainment. Try and spend some creative time with your kids where you can experience things together without losing the conversation.

What was your favorite family memory that didn’t cost you a thing?

Memories

What have you done this summer with your kids? Have you created everlasting memories for you and your children? Are they just sick of spending time with you?

These are the questions I wrestle with every summer. What am I able to do with my kids that will draw us closer together as a family and pass on a legacy for them?

When I was a kid growing up, I remember sitting in the back seat of my parent’s car traveling from state to state. I remember looking out the window and seeing an amazing redwood forest, going over a floating bridge in Washington and driving to the mountains to see snow.

But what I remember and cherish the most was seeing the Big Blue Ox. I will always remember it.

Being with my parents, exploring new things and experiencing new environments, drew us all closer together. I know for some of you this is a regular occurrence (vacationing), and the memories are growing.

But do you create spiritual memories with your kids? How much time are you spending with them in the Bible or memorizing prayer? We go out of our way to create experiences with our vacations and sometimes forget that the strongest memories are when we worship God as a family.

For me, I did not have those spiritual memories and anchors with my family growing up. However, today I am building those memories with my dad who is in his mid-eighties. I love our conversations about the Bible.

Do not wait to build an awesome legacy of memories of time spent together. Take advantage of any time with your kids and build memories, especially spiritual ones.

What cherished memories do you remember from growing up?

Laughter

I love to watch people. One of my favorite past times it to watch people interact with each other. The shopping mall is the best place for that.

I watch as adults walk side by side without saying a single word to each other, or as a parent pulls their child along looking frazzled by their kid wanting everything in every window they walk past.

Then there are the groups of teen boys and girls talking loudly and completely enraptured by the moment and each other, especially the girls. You can hear them coming a mile away talking, giggling and laughing, entirely oblivious that there is anyone else in the mall.

Growing up for me wasn’t humorous. There wasn’t much laughter in the home, and everything was dealt from a serious point of view. I took that perspective of life into my first years of marriage and child rearing; however, my awesome wife introduced me to the world of laughter.

She taught me to laugh at myself, which was the hardest to learn, and to laugh with others. She also taught me to see the humor in the many things around us.

I believe our family has become like those teenagers in the mall. We talk, giggle and laugh without fear of what others may be thinking. I am not ashamed to say that we laugh loudly sometimes acting a little ridiculous and odd. Sometimes people can hear us a mile away, and I can see their eyes glancing over us wondering what the humor is all about.

But even more so, I believe they feel somewhat envious of the fun and laughter we share. Laughter has brought our family closer together and has taught us to find the humor in every situation no matter the circumstance.

What is the humor quotient in your family? Are people watching your family live, love and enjoy life and each other through laughter?

Talk To Your Kids

Have you ever felt as if didn’t have the right words to say to your kids? Have your children ever asked you a question and you didn’t have an answer? Have you ever felt like they were getting smarter than you?

I know for myself, I have had “foot-in-mouth” disease with my kids when trying to be the hero that knows everything. Okay, I have a confession (do not tell my children), I do not know everything. And the older I get the more I realize how much I truly do not know.

Here are some pointers that I have learned when communicating with my kids.

Five things you should not say based on my experience:

• Defer to the other parent or relative
• Make something up that sounds right
• Minimize their question and shrug them off
• Laugh at their question and then give a sarcastic answer
• Ignore it in hopes it will go away

Five things you should say to you kids based on my experience:

• I do not know, but I will find out
• I do not understand the way you are feeling, but it is going to be okay and “I love you”
• I am here for you and we can get through this together
• I went through something like this when I was your age; do you want to hear my experience?
• Great question, let’s find the answer together

For starters, parenting is not easy, and then having the added pressure to be the all-knowing, super parent makes it impossible. What we are doing is setting ourselves up for failure.

Our kids love us not because we always have the right answer or because we are always doing things for them. What children truly want is an authentic, real relationship with a parent that relies on God and is willing to struggle through life with them.

What are some of your communication nightmares or “foot-in-mouth” moments with your kids?

Boundaries

So often when we hear the word boundaries we tend to think of fences or dividing lines between us and our neighbors. Even in sports we have boundaries defining the area of play for a sport, and of course, the lane dividers keeping us from encroaching into someone else’s lane.

There are boundaries all around us. Everywhere we go and in everything we do, boundaries are just part of our lives; however, when it comes to our personal lives and our interaction with people and family boundaries go out the window.

I know growing up for me the concept of boundaries and how to use them was a foreign concept. So often the traditional boundary-violation system is passed down from generation to generation. This violation, or lack of being taught boundaries, has led to a generation of people who cannot say no, and if they do they feel guilty for saying it. Or they let others run all over them because they do not know how to set a boundary and lost the ability to know who they really are as a person. When you have a lack of boundaries you are letting others define who you are.

When I read the Bible I see a very big God who sets very clear and definable boundaries. Let’s take a look at the Ten Commandments with very clear and established boundaries, and Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) who were given a very clear boundary of no stealing. Just look at the consequences they suffered for their violation of God’s boundary.

Second, what are the boundaries we are showing for our kids? Are we teaching them how to respectfully say no, or are we as parents violating our kids’ boundaries because we are so weak with ours that we will not allow them to have theirs?

You want a healthy strong child sold out for Christ? Then help them to set and respect boundaries and to see that God has boundaries for all of us. Please share with me your story of discovering boundaries in your life.

Easters

Easters. Okay, I know you are thinking this has to be a typo. It’s not. Yes Easters. Sunday is coming, and I hope and pray that you will be up early to celebrate our victory in Christ. So going to church is Easter celebration one. Now for Easter celebration two: the time with your family celebrating Jesus for who he said he was in overcoming death giving us an eternal hope.

As a child Easter was one of the few times we went to church. I would get all dressed up sit through a service which would seem to last for a week, and then get ripped off with a bread crumb and a sip of juice. Wow, I thought it was torture.

However, the best part of Easter was the coming dinner. Was this the special meal to celebrate the egg? Or just the bunny that laid the egg? Wait bunnies do not lay eggs. Maybe this guy Jesus I heard mentioned created the holiday like George Washington’s birthday. I thought it was fun!

What I am trying to get at is what are your kids getting out of Easter? Is it a day of traditions with a little bit of Jesus added in for flavor? Or it is a day that Jesus is completely and absolutely the center piece of the day and every day after?

As parents, we need to ask ourselves if Easter is truly a day we are helping our kids understand the importance of Jesus overcoming death. Are our lives celebrated every day in that victory? I just want to challenge you with something.

Challenge: At the end of Easter Sunday ask your kids what the day was all about, and why you did certain things that day (i.e. church, special meal, etc.). See what they say. Some might be right on, and some kids might surprise you with how far you’ve moved away from the true meaning of Easter.

Random

Have you ever noticed how random life seems to be? Never knowing what is coming next or what is around the corner. We think we live in a world where we truly believe things randomly happen and where luck has such a huge role to play.

If we were to take the time to look back at our lives, we would see that “random” has little to no part to play. Chaos and luck are just products of our fears and lack of trust in God. What we call life’s randomness is actually God’s hand working in our lives.

Well for me, as I grew as a believer and in my walk with the Lord, I started to see that God was using “random” moments to truly take me where He wanted me to go. In the reader’s digest version, I look back on my years of being in the restaurant business, not just as a job, but also as a training ground for today. My years of volunteering at different churches in children’s ministries, was His prompting me to move along and gain more experience for today. There is so much more to this life story, but I hope you get the idea.

All I went through on my journey was never random but calculated training ground to prepare me for my mission today. However, when I was in the middle of it that was not my perspective. I saw it all as random.

     But I ask you all this:

• ·       Do you truly believe life is random?
• ·       Is God working in the randomness of life?
• ·       Can you look back to see God’s hand directing your life?
• ·       Is our God a God of chaos?
• ·       Is it luck or a blessing from God?
• ·       How quick are you to turn on God when He is directing you in a direction you do not want to go in?
• ·       Does God love you? And if He does, then why would he let you be in a state of randomness?

I have learned over the years that the best of times have been when God radically changed my life and generated me in a direction I did not want to go. Oh, what a blessing to see at the end of this chapter what He has done with me. My feeling is, bring it on God!

Share with me your journey, from what you perceived as randomness, but in actuality was His hand guiding your life. 

Centered

When life becomes crazy and our kids are driving us to the brink of insanity, what do we center ourselves on? What is the one thing that brings us back to normal?

For many it is some type of substance abuse: Internet, TV, disconnecting and disengaging from the situation and the family, physically leaving or exploding to the point where everyone else is on pins and needles. Unfortunately in society today, we’ve been taught to escape elsewhere and dive into something that will give us pleasure or a release.

That is a lie perpetrated by an enemy who would love for each one of us to react to these situations in that very way. But there is a solution. At our very finger tips we hold the answer to being centered, but often times we choose to reject it for lack of personal and spiritual maturity.

The answer is Jesus. Yes, Jesus. It is that simple. But often we choose a course of destruction and leave out the one ingredient that would help us be what family and friends need.

 

Early on when I was a new believer, I was exactly like the person described above. I wanted all the pleasures of life and complete control over everything. I had bought into the package the enemy was selling hook, line and sinker.

I was an immature believer and did not realize that Jesus did more than open a place in Heaven for me: He actually wanted to be the center of my life. Jesus wanted invade every part of my life, and I mean every part, including the areas I thought I deserved or earned for myself.

Well as maturity came, the more I relinquished, and the more Jesus became the center of my life. The better I became at dealing with distractions. In the end I drew closer to my wife and kids. When I allowed Jesus to invade my life, I truly understood what it was to be centered in Christ and to know His peace, and I think that is something we are all looking for.

As we strive in our busy and complicated lives, what we can do to place Jesus at the center of it all? Here are some actions I take to stay focused:

• No day can start without prayer and the conscientious inclusion of Jesus in my day
• Reading of His word on a daily basis
• Making the conscience decision to keep Jesus at the forefront of my mind all day long
• Knowing that Jesus is not a tool for an end to a means; moreover, He is my Lord who suffered for me and took a punishment I so deserved
• Give Jesus the credit for my day and not credit myself
• Purposely make Jesus part of all my decisions and seek His counsel
• To verbally say His name everyday out loud (Try it and see- just by saying it can make a difference in your heart)
• Ask the Holy Spirit every day to help me walk the best path to honor my King Jesus

Some of these suggestions may seem really simple, and they are. However, the Gospel is simple, and so is the relationship He wants to have with us. So I leave you with some questions you might need to ask yourself.
 
Am I walking daily with Jesus? Is Jesus added along in my day? Is prayer even a part of my life? Is Jesus getting the time He has earned and deserves in my life? When things get rough, who do I turn to as my center? Am I so sold out for Jesus that I cannot go a day without Him?

Please comment and share what you do to keep Jesus at the center of your life. Love you all.

Pressurized

Life can be like a pressure cooker. The valves to release the pressure are turned too tight. And all anyone sees is the gauge at the top starting to point itself at maximum capacity. What has you at maximum capacity? Where is your gauge at? You may be oblivious to what it reads, but everyone else sees it, so where are you at?

After I was married for a few years (I was married at age 21), I started to feel the pressure of life. Knowing it was time to grow up was not easy at such a young age. I was a young man with a pretty good job, a wife and eyes set on the future. The only problem was my personality kepping me wound too tight like the knobs on a pressure cooker.

However, I thought everything was okay, but instead I was leaving a path of destruction behind me. My gauge was pinned at maximum; nonetheless, I couldn’t see it, but everyone else could and avoided me as much as possible. I was pressurized and ready to blow!

At what point are we the pressure cooker? What is everyone else reading on our gauge and we are not? After many years of trying operate like this, I learned some tools to help drop the pressure and to release the valves on myself.

• Have someone who can speak into your life honestly and want what is best for you so you won’t blow up on them (hopefully).
• The only thing I can control in life is me, so give up on trying to control others.
• You don’t like what you see in the mirror, then do something about it.
• Be completely and absolutely sold out for God. Let God define who you are, not others. Others may want you to be something you are not meant. That alone will raise the pressure in the cooker.
• Laugh. Laugh at yourself, laugh with others and this will be huge in relieving the pressure.

I could go on and on. However, it is up to you if you are going to be the pressurized person who people like but cannot trust. What are some ways you relieve the pressures of life? What do you do when you are pressurized and ready to blow up?

Will Be Back To Posting Soon

I apologize for the lack of posts recently. I just had knee surgery and with the recovery time and getting my pace back around the ministry, there has been less time to blog. But rest assured, I will be back to writing and posting v-blogs in no time. Thank you for your support and understanding.

God Bless!

Christmas

Thanks-Giving

Wow, after this Thanksgiving holiday we feel full from all the food, happy to see family (at least most of us) and the cold winter chill starting up.

On the day of turkey-feasting, we sit around the table waiting to eat and glancing around to see who is going to pray for our meal. The prayers are sometimes heartfelt and sincere, and sometimes even humorous for those who thrive on attention. At the end of the day we go to bed with a full tummy and happy thoughts. Unfortunately, there is one huge problem we are passing on to our children.

We focus on the day’s busyness and not much on God. Why? Well for most of us traditions are passed down, and we do things just because they have been done that way. So I want to challenge you this holiday season with a thought, and something I hope and pray you add to your holiday traditions.

Being a children’s pastor I see kids pray all the time, and the one thing I see the most is that our kids do not pray in a thankful way. They usually start with what they want and need and sometimes a pray for mom or dad, just in hopes that it will get God (and maybe mom and dad) to get them what they want. They hardly ever start with giving thanks for what they do have and the great blessings they’ve received from God.

Maybe if we began with thanks in our prayers, we would start to influence their prayers. Plus, they might start appreciating what they already have so much of. I believe we need to start all our prayers in submission to our awesome King with the thanks giving He deserves.