Imitation

Imitation. This is a word used so often, but we forget its importance to us as parents. We want our children to imitate the good that is in us.

And now looking back at my three kids, two of whom are already adults, I found that my children did imitate many good things from me, and also some of the bad.

I looked at these negative things and saw a glaring, red light flashing me in the face, and as a parent I wanted to help rid these aspects from my children. But what I realized was that my kids were a reflection. They were imitating me.

It wasn’t my kids that I needed to change, it was me. My children have been great mirrors, showing the ugliness that needs to change in me first.  

Our kids can teach us a lot. We just need let go of our egos. We need to be honest with ourselves and embrace the needed changes in ourselves along with our kids.

Admit you are wrong to your children and then work on changing the negative behavior together. I can promise you from experience it will draw you closer.

I would love to hear your story of how you saw your children imitating some of your negative habits and how you worked on fixing those things together.

Parenting 101

Okay, when we see books about parenting and they are the instruction guide for raising kids, put the book down, turn and run. These types of book can do more harm than good.

Why you ask. Great question. This is the first, right step. The second step is to be a student of our children and to understand them is to truly know how to raise them. Alright, let’s get back to the parenting books.

Often times these books create cookie cutouts of our kids, placing them into certain categories or behaviors. So based on this hypothetical parenting book we initiate a discipline or re-teaching process for our children.

Oops, we just entered a danger zone. What we have actually done is frustrated our kids and stifled who God created them to be.

The secret to parenting is being entirely sold-out for God. Period. The Bible presents us with all the instruction we need to raise our children. Think about it. They didn’t have parenting books thousands of years ago. So what did they use as a parenting reference?

My final thought: parenting books are not bad, and we should read them to glean insight and knowledge. However, we shouldn’t make our kids into something they are not. It’s okay if our kids are odd, edgy, opinionated, nerdy, loud, excitable, etc.

God doesn’t make mistakes, and our children are just who they are. So let them be who they are within the biblical boundaries God has set for us and them. Then enjoy the ride of experiencing life with your kids.

End of Summer: What a Bummer

The end of summer is near and the last minute vacations are creeping up fast. You might be looking back saying, “Didn’t my kids just get out of school, and now they’re going back already!” Then some might be saying, “Isn’t summer over yet, so the kids can go back to school!”

Whichever the case, was this summer better or worse than last year’s? I know the economy is rough and finances are tight. But money isn’t what makes vacations and summers great. Sometimes a summer filled with the simplest activities can be the best ever.

When our family experienced tough times, we had some of the best experiences. We would turn on the sprinklers and run through, stepping on it to aim at and squirt the other person. We even had massive water gun wars lasting for hours from the front yard to the backyard and even spilling inside the house (my wife was not too happy about that).

Slip And Slide was also a big hit with my kids. I even remember throwing a ball around in the yard joined with some great conservation. And in the evenings we would sit outside on the front porch talking and laughing.


At times we may attempt to manufacture family time by doing things that are entertaining and money-consuming. And those things can be fun, but sometimes the simplest interactions as a family can be so much more effective. It’s not about what you do as a family, but the quality in which you do it.

Our children have been spoiled by us buying their entertainment. Try and spend some creative time with your kids where you can experience things together without losing the conversation.

What was your favorite family memory that didn’t cost you a thing?

Memories

What have you done this summer with your kids? Have you created everlasting memories for you and your children? Are they just sick of spending time with you?

These are the questions I wrestle with every summer. What am I able to do with my kids that will draw us closer together as a family and pass on a legacy for them?

When I was a kid growing up, I remember sitting in the back seat of my parent’s car traveling from state to state. I remember looking out the window and seeing an amazing redwood forest, going over a floating bridge in Washington and driving to the mountains to see snow.

But what I remember and cherish the most was seeing the Big Blue Ox. I will always remember it.

Being with my parents, exploring new things and experiencing new environments, drew us all closer together. I know for some of you this is a regular occurrence (vacationing), and the memories are growing.

But do you create spiritual memories with your kids? How much time are you spending with them in the Bible or memorizing prayer? We go out of our way to create experiences with our vacations and sometimes forget that the strongest memories are when we worship God as a family.

For me, I did not have those spiritual memories and anchors with my family growing up. However, today I am building those memories with my dad who is in his mid-eighties. I love our conversations about the Bible.

Do not wait to build an awesome legacy of memories of time spent together. Take advantage of any time with your kids and build memories, especially spiritual ones.

What cherished memories do you remember from growing up?

Laughter

I love to watch people. One of my favorite past times it to watch people interact with each other. The shopping mall is the best place for that.

I watch as adults walk side by side without saying a single word to each other, or as a parent pulls their child along looking frazzled by their kid wanting everything in every window they walk past.

Then there are the groups of teen boys and girls talking loudly and completely enraptured by the moment and each other, especially the girls. You can hear them coming a mile away talking, giggling and laughing, entirely oblivious that there is anyone else in the mall.

Growing up for me wasn’t humorous. There wasn’t much laughter in the home, and everything was dealt from a serious point of view. I took that perspective of life into my first years of marriage and child rearing; however, my awesome wife introduced me to the world of laughter.

She taught me to laugh at myself, which was the hardest to learn, and to laugh with others. She also taught me to see the humor in the many things around us.

I believe our family has become like those teenagers in the mall. We talk, giggle and laugh without fear of what others may be thinking. I am not ashamed to say that we laugh loudly sometimes acting a little ridiculous and odd. Sometimes people can hear us a mile away, and I can see their eyes glancing over us wondering what the humor is all about.

But even more so, I believe they feel somewhat envious of the fun and laughter we share. Laughter has brought our family closer together and has taught us to find the humor in every situation no matter the circumstance.

What is the humor quotient in your family? Are people watching your family live, love and enjoy life and each other through laughter?

Talk To Your Kids

Have you ever felt as if didn’t have the right words to say to your kids? Have your children ever asked you a question and you didn’t have an answer? Have you ever felt like they were getting smarter than you?

I know for myself, I have had “foot-in-mouth” disease with my kids when trying to be the hero that knows everything. Okay, I have a confession (do not tell my children), I do not know everything. And the older I get the more I realize how much I truly do not know.

Here are some pointers that I have learned when communicating with my kids.

Five things you should not say based on my experience:

• Defer to the other parent or relative
• Make something up that sounds right
• Minimize their question and shrug them off
• Laugh at their question and then give a sarcastic answer
• Ignore it in hopes it will go away

Five things you should say to you kids based on my experience:

• I do not know, but I will find out
• I do not understand the way you are feeling, but it is going to be okay and “I love you”
• I am here for you and we can get through this together
• I went through something like this when I was your age; do you want to hear my experience?
• Great question, let’s find the answer together

For starters, parenting is not easy, and then having the added pressure to be the all-knowing, super parent makes it impossible. What we are doing is setting ourselves up for failure.

Our kids love us not because we always have the right answer or because we are always doing things for them. What children truly want is an authentic, real relationship with a parent that relies on God and is willing to struggle through life with them.

What are some of your communication nightmares or “foot-in-mouth” moments with your kids?

Boundaries

So often when we hear the word boundaries we tend to think of fences or dividing lines between us and our neighbors. Even in sports we have boundaries defining the area of play for a sport, and of course, the lane dividers keeping us from encroaching into someone else’s lane.

There are boundaries all around us. Everywhere we go and in everything we do, boundaries are just part of our lives; however, when it comes to our personal lives and our interaction with people and family boundaries go out the window.

I know growing up for me the concept of boundaries and how to use them was a foreign concept. So often the traditional boundary-violation system is passed down from generation to generation. This violation, or lack of being taught boundaries, has led to a generation of people who cannot say no, and if they do they feel guilty for saying it. Or they let others run all over them because they do not know how to set a boundary and lost the ability to know who they really are as a person. When you have a lack of boundaries you are letting others define who you are.

When I read the Bible I see a very big God who sets very clear and definable boundaries. Let’s take a look at the Ten Commandments with very clear and established boundaries, and Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5) who were given a very clear boundary of no stealing. Just look at the consequences they suffered for their violation of God’s boundary.

Second, what are the boundaries we are showing for our kids? Are we teaching them how to respectfully say no, or are we as parents violating our kids’ boundaries because we are so weak with ours that we will not allow them to have theirs?

You want a healthy strong child sold out for Christ? Then help them to set and respect boundaries and to see that God has boundaries for all of us. Please share with me your story of discovering boundaries in your life.