Earthquake

When we talk about earthquakes in California we prepare for the worst. We do everything we can to prevent damage to our property and go out of our way ensuring our family’s safety. 

There is such a fear and intensity placed into protecting our family physically, but what about the earthquakes that damage our family structure? We should have that same fervor in guarding the integrity of our family unit.

Too often I see husbands, wives, and children devastated by an earthquake to the family structure. Remember we need to plan for the earthquakes in our lives: death in the family, car accident, divorce, wayward teenager, addiction, etc. 

Make today the first day in taking steps to protect your family and yourself from the unavoidable and inevitable earthquake in your family. Prevention is the key. 

I would like to hear what you are doing to prepare and handle the earthquakes in your family?

Goodbye To Gray

Our proverbial “gray areas.” I’m talking about those ambiguous areas we hold to with our kids like, “Do as I say, not as I do. Only Mommy and Daddy can use those words. Never question your parents. Kids are to be seen and not to be heard.” I could go on and on. 

When we create these ambiguous areas our integrity as a parent is put to question. And when our kids question our ambiguous statements, actions or motives, we create excuses and fabricate this alternate reality to make an expectation of ourselves. But really, we leave our children scratching their heads in confusion. 

It’s just plain crazy!

We want our children to live their lives with integrity and not maintain these “gray areas,” but for that to happen we have to live it out first. We need to exist in the real world of imperfection.

We are flawed, but forgiven. Be honest with yourself and with your children. Free yourselves to live in the freedom Christ has given. 

There is nothing wrong with letting your children know you are an imperfect parent who makes mistakes and has to ask a perfect God for forgiveness. 

What are the “gray areas” in your life?

What Happened?

Growing up I was taught the skill of “not giving up.” It was taught to be part of my DNA. I remember as a child getting frustrated with school, and my dad encouraging me to keep working on it. He would say, “Hang in there. You will figure it out.”

My dad always pushed me to follow through and never give up: “Even if you are not the best you always finish and hold your head up high.” Today I push my kids with the same attitude and passion my dad had, wanting my kids to be the best they can be. 

So my question: What happened? 

Today I see kids throwing temper tantrums when they can’t figure something out and walking away with the attitude that they are not smart enough to figure it out. I see kids of all ages NOT having the DNA of following through or sticking with something. 

There is no regard that they gave their word, and they don’t care if they break it. I even see adults today doing the same thing of not following through with their word in two areas:

1.       Ministry. They make a commitment to come aboard, and when it gets tough or requires a little extra, they say they do not have time or “I am not qualified.”

2.       Marriage. When things get tough or take a little extra effort to work through, they call a quits. They don’t provide the energy or time to work on it.

Well we wonder where our kids get it from, and we wonder why they so easily give up. What has been their example? 

In our kids’ world we demand them to follow through, and we get upset when they easily give up. Kids are products of their homes, plain and simple. 

What happened to that spirit that set us apart as a nation, a people, and most important of all, as Christians?

Don’t Try, Just Do

She looked at her child and said, “I always try and tell the truth.”

A mom was correcting her son for not being honest. She spoke to him in a kind and nurturing way, and as I walked past them this weekend, I thought nothing of it.

But as the week passed, I began to realize the contradiction in that statement.  How many times have I given advice to my kids in such a way that was more confusing than helpful? And just like this mom, we think we are giving solid advice to our children, but really we’re making them scratch their heads in confusion.

The issue lies with the word “try.” We don’t want our children to just try, we want them to do. We always want them to tell the truth.

When I was a kid my dad used to say, “Think before you talk.” And I still have to remind myself of that wisdom when parenting my own children. I need to make sure that when I’m teaching them, I’m actually giving them sound advice.

James 1:19 challenges us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but in our fast-paced, on-demand society that seems impossible, or is it? What are some things you’ve said to your kids that you later realized was more confusing than helpful?

Relax

Relax by definition is to make less tense, less rigid, make lax and to diminish the force of. In everyday terms, it means to kick back and do nothing.

Relaxing is a state of mind for me. I may be relaxing from work, but really I’m doing tons of stuff at home. I am by nature a workaholic who loves to be constantly moving.

To relax is to accomplish goals I set for myself on my day off. My wife likes to remind me that I don’t give myself any real down time and that accomplishing my lists of tasks isn’t a good substitution for a day off.

And I have to say she is right. I do need to slow down and just chill. I know God rested on the seventh day as He looked over creation and said it was good. But I’m not following His lead. I go like a machine until I break.

Well I write this post because the machine is broken. God has gotten my attention because I’ve been dealing with this incredible back pain, and in turn he’s humbled my heart.

Yes God, I do hear you. You have my attention. You are telling me to slow down and relax. Well I now have no choice but to be at dead slow and actually unwind and enjoy it.

Despite my best attempts to fight having down time, God grabs my attention by allowing something to happen that purposefully slows me down. It puts this back pain into perspective.

What has God done or allowed in your life to get your attention?

Imitation

Imitation. This is a word used so often, but we forget its importance to us as parents. We want our children to imitate the good that is in us.

And now looking back at my three kids, two of whom are already adults, I found that my children did imitate many good things from me, and also some of the bad.

I looked at these negative things and saw a glaring, red light flashing me in the face, and as a parent I wanted to help rid these aspects from my children. But what I realized was that my kids were a reflection. They were imitating me.

It wasn’t my kids that I needed to change, it was me. My children have been great mirrors, showing the ugliness that needs to change in me first.  

Our kids can teach us a lot. We just need let go of our egos. We need to be honest with ourselves and embrace the needed changes in ourselves along with our kids.

Admit you are wrong to your children and then work on changing the negative behavior together. I can promise you from experience it will draw you closer.

I would love to hear your story of how you saw your children imitating some of your negative habits and how you worked on fixing those things together.

Parenting 101

Okay, when we see books about parenting and they are the instruction guide for raising kids, put the book down, turn and run. These types of book can do more harm than good.

Why you ask. Great question. This is the first, right step. The second step is to be a student of our children and to understand them is to truly know how to raise them. Alright, let’s get back to the parenting books.

Often times these books create cookie cutouts of our kids, placing them into certain categories or behaviors. So based on this hypothetical parenting book we initiate a discipline or re-teaching process for our children.

Oops, we just entered a danger zone. What we have actually done is frustrated our kids and stifled who God created them to be.

The secret to parenting is being entirely sold-out for God. Period. The Bible presents us with all the instruction we need to raise our children. Think about it. They didn’t have parenting books thousands of years ago. So what did they use as a parenting reference?

My final thought: parenting books are not bad, and we should read them to glean insight and knowledge. However, we shouldn’t make our kids into something they are not. It’s okay if our kids are odd, edgy, opinionated, nerdy, loud, excitable, etc.

God doesn’t make mistakes, and our children are just who they are. So let them be who they are within the biblical boundaries God has set for us and them. Then enjoy the ride of experiencing life with your kids.