Parenting

What is parenting? What does a parent look like? And why does it hurt so much? These are a few of the questions I receive from parents who are struggling through each day. They attempt to maintain a bit of sanity to remind themselves they have to do this parenting thing all over again tomorrow. 

     
Here is what I want you to do: STOP. Stop everything bouncing around your mind and block out all the sound around you. Take a deep breath and close your eyes as you prepare to continue reading. Okay, you have cleared your mind, and now I need you to focus on what I will share with you. 

     
Our first question: “What is parenting?” Parenting is about the struggle of whether or not you made the right decision, said the right things or had been the parent your child needed. Sometimes you may ask yourself, “Am I even a good parent?" You made the best decisions you could, and you are an awesome parent. Just by reading this you obviously care about your child and want to be a great parent. That is what parenting is all about. It is about searching and struggling for the right answers and the right direction for your kid. 

     
It is now time to stand up, look in a mirror and truly search within you. I will still be here when you return…leave now. All right, now that you are settled back in, the second question had been, “What does a parent look like?” When you looked in the mirror, you saw what a parent looked liked. God has given you his most precious gift to care for, and you are now qualified to be a parent. Parenting is based upon our decisions, and at times we can make poor decisions that our children suffer for. However, parenting isn’t about perfect choices. It’s about doing your best with what God has given you. So smile and know you are on the right track. 

     
Now to the more daunting question, “Why does it hurt so much?” Wow, this is a tough question to answer, but I will attempt to put you at ease. Parenting can hurt a great deal from the poor decisions we make, the poor decisions our children make and the pressure we place on ourselves wanting our child not to make mistakes. First, you will make mistakes, “…for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…”(Romans 3:23, NIV). Second, your kid will make mistakes as they find their way in this world. Third, we tend to set the bar so high for ourselves as parents we position ourselves for failure right out of the gate.

     
Why is this self-imposed bar so high? Maybe we are worried about what others think more than allowing our child to fail and receive a teaching moment. Or maybe we do not want our kid to relive our childhood. Whatever the reason, it is something we need to take a reality check. Take a breath, relax and know you are a great parent. Worrying is part of the job. It will not go away, but you can alleviate the burdens by gaining perspective on things.

     
To close, I want to say something that is not said too often: you are the perfect parent. God chose you to be your child’s parent, and the God I know, does not make mistakes. What an honor. I want you to know that I am so proud of you. To care about your child and to want to be a better parent makes you a hero. Yes, a hero. Stay the course. Now turn off your computer, hug your child in your arms and feel a little less burdened.               

EXAMPLE!

Example. What a huge word with many implications. However, in the Christian community this word is becoming less and less effective. The word example becomes subdued by the word action. Yes, our actions. We are called to be an example of Christ, but then our actions speak differently. So often when I am sharing with a non-believer they will point out to me someone they know who says they are a Christian, but lives a life contradictory.

Why claim to be a Christian, and then live a life completely different? Were we not put here to be an example of Christ? Does not the word “Christian” have the word “Christ” in it? Why do we live outside of what God wants for us and make a mockery of the Christian faith?

At times, we desire to live our lives by our standards and not God’s. We place ourselves in front of Christ, and when we do this we prove that we cannot trust ourselves. How could we ever live a life sold-out for Christ? How are we to trust Christ, if our misplaced trust is in ourselves?

If we feel our needs are greater than His, then He will always lose. This is what others, specifically non-believers, see of Christians. This is the example we are leaving for those who are searching for the truth. It is ultimately our decision to trust in Christ and truly step out in faith.

Now the real problem: children. It is the little ones who look up to us for guidance, strength and what it means to be a Christian, become disillusioned. I see it every week in the children who come to Shepherd of the Hills Church. I hear words, see actions, receive questions and witness children only growing in their faith from being at church, when they should be growing more in the home. It is a tragedy that this is the path we are leaving for our children.

Example. How does this word fit into you and your family? Are your actions overtaking the example we are commanded to set for our kids? Do not get me wrong, we are going to struggle. However, how we handle that struggle will speak volumes into our kids and neighbors lives.

Let me go out on a limb here. Try taking the next month to live entirely sold-out for Jesus Christ, and see what happens to you and your family. It will not be easy at first, and furthermore, the enemy will not be happy. But living for Christ will strengthen you and your family and create a change for generations to come. For those of you who are living as an example, thank you, well done, and stay the course.              

At the end of the day our actions must reflect that of a person who is wholly sold-out for Jesus Christ. There is no option in this, only action. 

Forgiven

It is sometimes so easy to forgive others or to even ask for forgiveness from others. We are always forgiving of our kids and their faults as it causes us to reflect back on our faults and how God has forgiven us. I forgive you should be a part of our regular vocabulary, especially in the home, as forgiveness is an essential part of our salvation.

The bible says that when we accept Jesus as our personal Lord and Savior we are forgiven and we are a new creation in His sight. However, there is a huge problem that affects so many of us, and truly cripples us as parents and adults. It is so debilitating that some even turn from God because of this internal problem that is fed by the enemy himself.

Okay, I will let it out of the bag and say what some do not want to hear or deal with. Even though we are forgiven we are unable to forgive ourselves. That’s right we are unable to forgive ourselves for our past transgressions. The problem is we are not living in the freedom that Jesus’ death bought for us. We are robbing ourselves of living in a freedom that truly transforms us into the people God wants us to be. Bottom line we are not fully usable by God!

The enemy (Satan) is so cunning and crafty he keeps whispering in our ears reminding us of our short comings, keeping us focused on our guilt and not on God. Not to give Satan all the credit, we are very good at reminding ourselves that because of our past we are not able to move forward and are definitely not able to serve in ministry in the church. In addition, we are robbing our kids of truly understanding the joy and freedom that comes from living in the grace of Christ. Instead we are teaching them that the past will always follow and cripple us and the joy of salvation can only be enjoyed when we get to heaven. Who are we to rob our children of this?

Well, this is what I have to say to those who live in this internal prison, “Get over it and get your act together!” The only person standing in your way is you! When you read the bible you see so many dysfunctional backwards people who are used by God. Are you going to wait for God to turn your life upside down to get your attention (like Jonah and the big fish)? The minute you accepted Jesus into your life as Lord and Savior you were qualified for ministry and the joy that comes with serving. However, you are the barrier in experiencing that joy. It is time to forgive yourself, because God has forgiven you! It is time to enjoy the true freedom of living free from the past and making kingdom difference in people’s lives, freeing them from the prisons they have enslaved themselves in.

Freedom has been purchased for all of us, so let’s fully live life in the joy and excitement we were designed for!

Today!

Today, a word that can be taken so many ways! It can be a deadline for work, or the day you have to go to the dentist, even the day you have set aside to start something. Today is the day I _______!!!!!! How many times have we set goals or made a statement that today is the day and what usually happens? We start with good intentions, then we get distracted and just fizzle out and give up or quit.

Today is the day! Yes today is the day! According to scripture we only have today. So why do we put off today onto tomorrow? What can be done today is pushed to someday? Well, as I ponder, I have come to one conclusion: today, is so packed with stuff, I cannot finish what is supposed to be done today.

Our calendars are full of stuff for today and the stuff we pushed from yesterday; we get ourselves into a position of never catching up. So we end up regretting each day and or feeling guilty that we have so much left to do. Then what do we do? The bible tells us to live each day as if there is no tomorrow. Some would say that is easier said than done in today’s society; or is it?

The key word from God is to LIVE each day. Are we living in the joy of our Creator? No we are living for the tasks of the day. Even though we are not finishing each day or putting it off to another day, we are still here living and breathing. The enemy has done such an excellent job of keeping us focused on our stuff for each day we end up robbing ourselves.

What are we robbed of? Our families, friends, our enjoyment of life, and most importantly our relationship with God! Without this relationship, we are living and existing but not enjoying the life God has given us. It is time to cut our stuff from our daily lives and not worry about it! Then replace the stuff with God and family, enjoying life and the Creator who gave it to us. Were we designed not to enjoy life? NO! Put Satan on notice that he is no longer part of your lives and start living in the presence of a King (Jesus) who wants to enjoy life with you. It starts today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!